


Say It Often Enough

by aewgliriel



Series: If This Is Wrong [6]
Category: Star Wars Legends: New Jedi Order Era - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-21 01:05:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6032524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aewgliriel/pseuds/aewgliriel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaina tries to convince herself she's made the right choice. During "The Unifying Force".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say It Often Enough

Watching Jag stride off, Jaina shook her head. She kept messing things up. Why did she think she could make it work? All they had were sex and arguing, and she wanted more. She wanted love and a family, someday. She wanted-

"Hey, soldier."

  
An arm slung across her shoulder, drawing her in, and Jaina instinctively pressed to the man who'd just arrived. Kyp. That she did it moments after fighting with her boyfriend was something she didn't want to think about.

Kyp. Best friend, confidante, mentor. Once, briefly, her lover. Even now, as he stopped, turning to draw her out of the main flow of traffic and into a recessed doorway, she found her thoughts pulled from Jag and right where they shouldn't be.

All the sex in the galaxy with Jag couldn't erase her body’s memory of Kyp's touch. She tried not to dwell on it, though her nerves were singing.

"If it's any consolation, kid, I'm worried, too."

She knew that calling her “kid” was his attempt at keeping their relationship at a more appropriate place. She'd wanted that, he hadn't. "I don't have to say a thing, do I?"

His dark hair, threaded with the first hints of silver, fell in his eyes as he shook his head. He needed a haircut. Her fingers itched to brush it away even as he did it himself. "Everything tells me that Jacen is okay. But your parents are in trouble. They've been getting into too many tight situations lately, and now they're really in the thick of it."

Looking at him, she thought about how easy it would be to fall in love with him. He continued talking, and she responded, but all she could think about suddenly was standing in her toes and kissing him. She was happy with Jag, but she missed Kyp, in a way she could never express.

“If you need a wingmate,” he said, giving her hand a squeeze, “I'll be there.”

He left her there, off to whatever he'd been doing before she'd run into him. She sighed and leaned against the wall.

She'd chosen this. It was nice that they'd managed to stay friends after their brief, explosive affair, but the ghost of what could have been haunted her. The worst part was, she knew that all she had to do was give him the word. He loved her, despite her trying to push him away. For all her insistence that she loved Jag and was committed to him, the only thing really keeping them apart was her.

“Concentrate on parents,” she muttered to herself. “Not Kyp. I made my choice.”

\----------

Weeks later, the war was ended, finally. She stood with Jacen, after their uncle’s big speech about the future of the Jedi, and listened as her twin discussed what he was planning now.

Then it was her turn, and he asked, "What about Kyp? Now that we have survived."

That her brother had somehow picked up on even a portion of her reasoning for pushing Kyp away surprised her a little. "I don't know, I really don't. He's been something of a mentor, in the same way Mara has."

For a few days, she amended mentally. Flustered, she held up her finger and thumb, quickly adding, "I thought for about this long that I could actually feel something for him, but falling in love with your mentor isn't a sane thing to do, because you're not really seeing the person. You're seeing the statue on the pedestal. You're worshiping the idea."

Jacen snorted. “Jaina. I may have been gone a while, but I'm not an idiot. If you didn't feel something for Kyp, you wouldn't turn red like that every time someone brings him up. What happened?”

“Nothing,” she insisted. “Jag is my boyfriend.”

“And _before_ Jag? You said Kyp is ‘sentimental’. Something made him that way. It doesn't just happen out of the blue.”

She fidgeted. “Nothing happened.”

“I'm your twin. I can tell when you're lying.”

“Even if something had happened, which it _didn't_ , it would be none of your business. Kyp just got too attached after we-” She stopped abruptly. “Uh. Worked together.”

Jacen’s dark eyes flicked over her face, doubt and skepticism etched in every hard line of his features. “Uh-huh.”

She hissed out a breath. “Look. Kyp and I have never been a couple. He was interested in more, but I picked Jag.”

“More than _what_?”

“Drop it, Jasa.”

He held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “Fine. It's your business. But you _are_ aware Kyp’s in love with you.”

“I know,” she sighed.

Her brother shook his head. “I think you're choosing the wrong guy, but that's just my opinion. I don't like the way Fel pretty much attacked you, and I don't like the way he treats you.”

She wasn't fond of that, either, but she had genuine affection for Jag, or thought she did, anyway. “I'll sort things out. Stay out of it, Jacen.”

“As you command, _Great One_ ,” he said wryly.

“Oh, shut up.”


End file.
